Privacy & Cookie Policy

Wow has anyone ever read one of these?

We have to have one of these dealios to explain how we comply with the GDPR (General Data Protection Regulation), the DPA (Data Protection Act) and the PECR (Privacy and Electronic Communications Regulations) because God knows there’s not enough actual interesting things in the world to read, you need to read 1,000 words of legalese nonsense that makes literally not one bit of difference to anyone, ever.

Also, we don’t really know what these things are. We’re just two Dads with full-time jobs who like football who thought we’d have a laugh and run some football tournaments.

With thanks to

With thanks to our supreme writing commanders, glorious leaders and excellent but tiny overlords, who have verily granted us permission to use their splendid and sweary Privacy Policy.


We’re a tiny, overstretched business and we don’t have the time or energy to do anything nefarious with your data. It’s not that we’re not evil – we’re as corruptible as anyone – we’re just too tired to think up a malevolent plot to steal your identity.

We collect and store the info we need to provide you with the service you buy from us. We occasionally stalk you via Facebook or Google adverts. That’s really it.


Seriously who actually cares? Do you even know what a cookie is or does? Well then. Yes, we use cookies because that’s kinda how the Internet works. If you don’t want our delicious home-baked chocolate chip scripts, then you need to block cookies on your browser but don’t come crying to us when nothing does what it’s supposed to.

Visitor Tracking

We use Google Analytics,  primarily to stare at the real-time stats because they’re cool but also to see what stuff people looking at so we can write more of the stuff you like.

We also have the Facebook Pixel installed so that we can sell you stuff. Yes, you heard it. We are a business and – shocker – we want you to spend money with us. The Facebook Pixel means that we can see how people interact with our site and with Facebook adverts and then we try to flog you relevant stuff. If you’re not on Facebook – well bloody done but the pixel is tracking you anyway.

Don’t know if there’s a specific Facebook Pixel blocking thing but we accidentally discovered that if you use Freedom app to block social media while you’re writing it also blocks the FB pixel. Handy hints!

We also use Hubspot which shows us what subscribers are visiting our website. We never look at this feature, and to be honest our tournament always sell out so we don’t have to chase sales.

We will probably nab your IP address, not that we’d know where to look for it or what to do with it. All we see is that a person or many people have interacted with the website in a particular way. You can mess with us by doing something totally unexpected on the website and skewing our stats. Or you could do something way more fun and useful with your time LIKE playing, watching or coaching kev ball.


We store your data in a few different places and use it in a couple of different ways. Are you ready for this?

Here on this website! If you register with the site we will store your name and email address in our CRM Hubspot. If you buy stuff from us we will store your name, email address, postal address, phone number, maybe what age group football team you coach if you give it to us, and purchase history. Your payment details ARE NOT held on the site. We obviously go to the maximum effort to keep this data secure and only three people have access to it. Only one of them ever actually looks at it and that’s to solve any technical problems you might have.

We’ll be honest: we do absolutely nothing unsurprising or radical with your info. We use your purchase history to target you with ads for stuff you might like. If you’ve done one of our tournaments or subscribed we’ll occasionally ask you if you want to do another tournament. It’s fairly standard isn’t it?

We will ask for your player registration details so we can add names and details in our programme and make sure you are not playing with players several years older than other teams, this is stored on password-protected laptop, in a cloud on a password-protected database, and deleted after the event. We do not share your data with anyone else.

Mailchimp! If you’ve signed up for anything or bought anything on our site – newsletter, free course competitions, paid course, membership, tournament enquiry, anything – your name and email address also wangs its way over to Mailchimp, which is the system we use to manage our newsletters and emails. They are (allegedly) GDPR compliant. You can unsubscribe from emails at any time by hitting the unsubscribe button.

All our tournaments can be booked on our website. It’s rad. When you sign up for a tournament, your name, email address and the tournament you want to take is flung over to Sage. Their website offers us a copy and paste job to add to our website. Have a goose, try not to fall asleep, and get back to the booking soon.

Our Payment Service Provider is Sage Pay (formerly Protx) – the largest independent payment service provider (PSP) in the UK and Ireland.

Sage Pay provides a secure payment gateway (Level 1 PCI DSS), processing payments for thousands of online businesses, including ours. It is Sage Pay’s utmost priority to ensure that transaction data is handled in a safe and secure way.

Sage Pay uses a range secure methods such as fraud screening, I.P address blocking and 3D secure. Once on the Sage Pay systems, all sensitive data is secured using the same internationally recognised 256-bit encryption standards.

Sage Pay is PCI DSS (Payment Card Industry Data Security Standard) compliant to the highest level and maintains regular security audits. They are also regularly audited by the banks and banking authorities to ensure that their systems are impenetrable.

Sage Pay is an active member of the PCI Security Standards Council (PCI SSC) that defines card industry global regulation.

In addition, you know that your session is in a secure encrypted environment when you see https:// in the web address, and/or when you see the locked padlock symbol alongside the URL.

So when buying through our site, you can be sure that you are completely protected.


If you sign up via one of our forms on the website we will send you a newsletter and the odd email here and there– generally around one or two a month, but occasionally more if there is more interesting stuff to tell you. You can unsubscribe at any time by clicking the unsubscribe button in every email. Your name and email address are stored securely in Mailchimp and Hubspot.

If you sign up for a tournament, we will send you emails about the tournament.  You can unsubscribe but you’ll miss important stuff about the tournament, like what boots to wear, how not to score own goals and where to park.

Mailchimp and Hubspot automatically add tracking things to links so if you click on a link WE KNOW. If you open an email WE KNOW. If you ignore us reminding you to fill in your team registration forms WE KNOW.

The most important thing about this is we have neither the time nor inclination to actually look at or do anything with these stats.

Your right to be deleted

If you want to go undercover, just chuck us an email at and we’ll delete all the info we have on you from our systems while having a passive-aggressive huff about what we could have possibly done wrong.

This does not include payments made via Sage. If you want to delete your Sage stuff you have to do that yourself via Sage. We cannot delete your purchase history because the taxman will be terribly upset.

Social media

We use social media a lot, partly to promote our tournaments and other football nonsense but mostly as a vehicle for our creative poor banter and weak political opinions. If you talk to us on our social media channels and we become familiar with you, we might find you on other channels and say hello. You can ask us to be less friendly if you wish and we will of course respect your boundaries.

Information About Children

The Website is not intended for or targeted at children under 16, and we do not knowingly or intentionally collect information about children under 16. If you believe that we have collected information about a child under 16, please contact us at, so that we may delete the information. Please also buy them a football and tell them not to waste their youth on the world wide web, if they are over 13 they can follow us on Insta or view our content on YouTube.